A welcomed change of topic... My Favorite Meatball Recipe!

Hello,

In order to take a break from the downward tone of my first few blog entries, I have decided to diverge slightly from the main topic of Multiple Sclerosis.  I figured I would switch over to something I know a lot about and is one of my passions: Food.

I love to cook... It's one of my favorite pastimes.  Food can be the great equalizer, bringing people together and making people happy.  When I cook (and make something somewhat edible) I can make people smile, make people happy.  I love that feeling... the feeling of being able to create something that others enjoy.  In a way, cooking has helped fill the gap left by my inability to play music.

I am on a cooking mission (I have heard the audio tape and tossed it before it self destructed): find the perfect meatball recipe.  The meatball is one of the greatest culinary triumphs when done correctly, and there are hundreds of variations out there.  Below is one of my favorite recipes, and I hope that it becomes one of yours.

1lb Ground Beef
3/4 Cup Grated Parmigiano Reggiano
1/2 Cup Well-Crumbled Ricotta Salata
1 Cup Italian Seasoned Bread Crumbs
2 Large Eggs
1 Cup Red Wine
1/4 Cup Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Tablespoons Dried Parsley
1/2 Teaspoon Powdered Garlic
1/2 Teaspoon Crushed Red Pepper

Combine ground beef, Parmigiano, Ricotta, bread crumbs, eggs, parsley, garlic, and red pepper.  Mix until incorporated; make sure you don't over work the meat.  Your hands are the best mixing tool.  Form into balls (I tend to do a palm sized, but you can use any size you like... just adjust your cooking time.)  Place on a plate or in a bowl, covered, and set aside in the fridge for between 20-30 minutes.

Heat the olive oil on medium heat and brown meatballs on all sides.  Drain any fat and oil, set meatballs in the pan over low heat, and add the red wine.  Simmer at low temperature for 3-5 minutes on each side.  Transfer to your favorite gravy (red sauce for the uninitiated) and cook for at least 1 hour.

Bonus Recipe: My favorite gravy.

1 Tablespoon Finely Chopped Garlic
1 Medium Yellow Onion, Quartered
2 Tablespoons Dried Parsley
1 Tablespoon Dried Basil
1/2 Tablespoon Crushed Red Pepper
1/2 Tablespoon Granulated Sugar
2 Tablespoons Extra Virgin Olive Oil
2 Cans of Crushed Tomatoes (28oz)
1/2 Cup Water
1/4 Cup Red Wine
1lb Italian Sausage (I prefer spicy, but use your favorite)
1/2lb Boneless Pork Loin (Cubed)
1/2lb Skirt Steak (Cubed)
1lb Meatballs (See Above)

Brown the pork, steak, and sausage in olive oil.  Add garlic and onion and saute until the garlic is browned.  Add tomatoes, parsley, basil, red pepper, water, red wine, and sugar.  Heat through on low heat.  Add meatballs and continue to cook for at least 1 hour.

I hope you enjoy.

Thanks,
Adam

The Aftermath

Hello,

Ok, so in my last post I discussed that awful period of limbo between realizing you have a medical issue and the understanding of the root cause.  That had to be the most difficult part of the process, as it was the most frightening.  Yet, although it was the most difficult part, it wasn't the worst.  That came immediately after.

Initially I had been diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis (I know, I know, I'm sounding like a broken record, but I have to reiterate) and I immediately went into a depression.  On the outside I maintained a positive outlook (at least I think I did,) and said things like "this will not define me" and "I won't let this defeat me."  But on the inside, I wasn't coping with it well.  I had immediately began researching it, and dove right into the pool of hypochondria.  I began wondering if that random pain was a symptom, or if that headache I had was progression, or if it wasn't time just for new glasses and I was loosing my sight... I went down the rabbit hole.

One of the major triggers for this was my new inability to play the violin.  That was one of my biggest and most therapeutic outlets.  No matter what was going on in my life, I could just pick up my instrument and everything would melt away.  For me, music wasn't just something to enjoy; it was something that had changed my life and was part of how  I defined myself.  Now, it had been ripped from me. 

(I should note that I was not particularly good at playing the violin, but I did enjoy it.  Heck, the hardest thing I could play was Summer from the Four Seasons... and pending on who you asked, it may have been painful to listen to.)

I gained weight almost immediately.  Now, I have always been chubby and will most likely always be chubby... but between my diagnosis in 2006/2007 and 2011, I went from being 185ish to over 240 (not great for a guy who's 5'6'', no matter how stocky I call myself.)  This has haunted me ever since, as now I'm in the 210 range... still way to big for my height.

Another kick in the pants came when I began having trouble walking.  I had intermittent numbness in my left side, greatly effecting the way I walk.  I began using a cane to steady myself, and at many times came quite close to some nasty falls.  This put a major dent, and ultimately ended, my other major passion and outlet: Hockey.  Since I was 6, I've played hockey, both ice and roller.  I love it.  I practically eat, breathe, and sleep it.  To that point, I had been a goaltender for all my life, and I saw that slowly slip away.

Surrounding all of this, I had a very stressful job at the time (I was an RA in undergrad, and an RD for half my graduate career.)  There were also some less than ideal relationships that contributed to this rough patch; but I wholeheartedly blame myself.  I became afraid of the "what's to come" and forgot about the  here and now.  I took comfort in food, and let myself wallow in self pity, and closed myself off from friends when I should have been grabbing life by the short and curly hairs.

Thankfully, now I have a much more (actual) positive outlook.  And I got here through a couple of realizations.  First, I realized that no matter what you go through in this life, there are a million others who are dealing with things far worse.  (As an RA/RD I saw some of these things first hand)  Secondly, this life doesn't have sympathy; so it's up to you to pick yourself up and take things one fight at a time.  My tertiary nugget of wisdom (if you can call any of this wisdom) is to surround yourself with a support structure if possible.  I was lucky enough to have a wonderful support structure (loving family, loving gf who is now my wife, great friends) that helped me pick myself up each time I was knocked down.

Hopefully there is a take-away somewhere in all that noise.

Thanks,
Adam

p.s. I promise that my next post will be a little less depressing, and a little less rant filled.  I'm thinking a non-ms related bit of jazz...  

p.p.s For those of you who are unfamiliar with the vernacular, an RA (Resident Adviser/Assistant) is a student who acts as a bridge between the dorms and the administration.  Many people view RAs as "hall cops" or "narcs" but I can assure you that they serve an extremely important purpose and exist to help students in a way that the administration or faculty never can.  An RD (Resident Director) is usually the next level up, and runs the day to day operations of an entire dorm.  The RD supervises a staff of RAs. 

This can be either a great and rewarding job, or absolute hell.  This depends on who is living in your dorm, how vigilantly you do your job, how neglectful the administration is, etc.  I have plenty of horror stories to come on this one.

The ever-worrying limbo of the diagnostic process

Hello,

Probably the toughest part for me during this whole process was the period of limbo between realizing I had a problem, and knowing what the cause of that problem was.  With the type of symptoms I was experiencing, the number of potential causes was staggering.  I was told over a dozen types of diseases, viruses, injuries, etc. that were likely culprits.

In the lead were Lyme's Disease, Sarcoidosis, any number of head injuries that I had throughout the years, and multiple sclerosis.  (At this point, it was sad to realize that my best case scenario was Lyme's Disease, but I don't think I've ever been bit by a tic.)

I should qualify the head injury bit.  I have always been somewhat athletic, and have been a competitive hockey goaltender and foil fencer.  In my tenure as a goaltender, I have been hit in the head with pucks, sticks, knees, fists, elbows, goal posts, etc.; sometimes quite violently.  There have been times where I had been hit, and felt fuzzy afterwards, making that a real contender.

The scariest of the lot was a tie between Multiple Sclerosis and Sarcoidosis.  Sarcoidosis is an auto-immune disease where the cells and inflammation that occurs while fighting disease/viruses remain after the disease/virus is eradicated.  This results in granulomas building up in various organs, which cause complications.  Although it is rare, there is a chance of Saroidosis being fatal.  Unfortunately for me, the roots of my symptoms were most likely in the spinal cord and/or brain, meaning there was a higher likelihood of severe complications if it were Sarcoidosis.

Multiple Sclerosis is a somewhat similar auto-immune disease (albeit in laymans' terms when I say similar.)  Rather than the cells and inflammation from the body's immune system remaining and causing granulomas after an immune response, Multiple Sclerosis causes the immune system to attack the myelin sheath, which is a protective covering of the nerves (brain and spinal cord.)  Given that my symptoms were most likely rooted in the brain and spinal cord, out of these options, Multiple Sclerosis has an arguably better prognosis.

It was a number of weeks  between first noticing a problem and finding the cause.  I was thankfully able to see my neurologist within a couple of days of that initial onset of symptoms... but wrangling all of the tests took weeks and weeks.  I had MRIs of my entire spinal cord and brain, brain activity tests (of which I can't remember the name, but required probes on my head with tons of ultrasound jelly,) EMG tests, blood tests, etc.  I believe it took over a month from the first neurologist visit till my initial diagnosis.

(For anyone not familiar with the lingo, and EMG test stands for sadist doctor who wants to stab you with needles.. I mean Electromyogram.  The doctor will perform nerve reflex tests with an electric probe, as well as test nerve connectivity with a series of needle sticks in the muscles and nerves.  If your doctor/technician is good at this, it wont be too bad... but it can be quite painful.)

As I had talked about in my previous post, my initial diagnosis was Transverse Myelitis, which was lower down the list of possible culprits.  The doctor came to this conclusion after finding lesions on my spinal cord, but not in my brain.  I began interferon treatments to stave off further damage to my myelin sheath, and steroids to try and repair the damage done by the initial attacks.  The first set of follow up tests (mostly more MRIs... thank god I'm not claustrophobic) found more lesions in my brain, and the diagnosis was modified to Multiple Sclerosis.

Well, I can't really think of a way to succinctly wrap this post up, so I'll just say this; if you are in that period of limbo prior to understanding the root of your symptoms, make sure you do a good amount of research into your possible diagnoses, but keep a clear head and try not to scare yourself.  Easier said than done... I know.

Thanks,
Adam

Dr. Feldman... Or how I learned to start worrying and love the neurologists office

Hello All...

OK, so as my title suggests, I wanted to bore you with the tale of how I was ultimately diagnosed with MS.

It was 2006ish (possibly 2007... you'll find out as I continue ranting that I was quite bad at keeping track of things until recently) and I was in my junior year of college.  I remember the day it happened vividly.  I was sitting at my computer, writing a paper and chatting with some friends over instant messenger.  As I typed away, I noticed that my fingers were a little tingly... and as I started paying more attention, realized that the entire left half of my body was slightly numb.

As any normal twenty-something male would do, I began randomly poking myself to figure out exactly where the numbness started and stopped (and how hard I could jab myself until I could feel it.)  After a few minutes of palpating, I casually mentioned to a good buddy of mine that I was noticing this problem.  Naturally, he yelled at me for just sitting there and not calling my doctor ASAP.

To think of it, I guess that would be the reaction of any normal, sane human being.

I decided to suppress my usual "wait and see" attitude, and left a message for my neurologist, Dr. Feldman of SI, NY (I should mention that I had been seeing Dr. Feldman for about 5 years as I have migraine headaches, and was on a prophylactic medication for them.)  After leaving a message, I decided the best thing to do was just relax and wait to see what the doctor would say.  I figured since I had no trouble walking, grasping, breathing, typing, seeing, etc., that there couldn't be that much to worry about.

About an hour later, I got a frantic phone call from a physician at my neurologists office, telling me to immediately stop all medications and get my butt to their office.  To make a long story short (TOO LATE - if any gets the reference from Clue,) after a battery of tests, I was diagnosed with Transverse Myelitis.

Transverse Myelitis, or as I call it "MS Lite/Diet MS" (half the calories, all the problems,) is an inflammation of the spinal cord.  It is somewhat similar to Multiple Sclerosis, and the way it was explained to me, my diagnosis was based on lesions being found on my spinal cord, but not in my brain.  I began interferon treatments, and started researching as much as I could.  6 months later, I took another battery of tests where lesions were discovered in my brain, and my diagnosis officially changed to MS.

The kicker to all of this is I had been showing other signs for months, but I had written them all off to stress.  I had been playing the violin in my college band/orchestra, and suddenly began having trouble with the fingers on my left hand.  I would shoulder my instrument, I had reduced strength and dexterity in my fingers.  I figured I was under under a great deal of stress, and decided to take some time to rest and relax.  It was only a few months later that I had the full blown attack, and went numb.

The moral of this story is simple.  DO NOT IGNORE SYMPTOMS!!!  If you notice something wrong, get it checked out.  I know that if I had gone, it wouldn't have changed the ultimate diagnosis; but I may have gotten treatment earlier, and avoided/pushed off my first big MS attack.

Thanks for reading,
Adam

P.S.  The worst part of this whole ordeal was not knowing what I had.  It took a surprisingly long time to be diagnosed, although I was provided with a number of options as to what it could be.  The range of viruses, diseases, injuries, etc. that I was given ranged from quite simple, to being on borrowed time.  That was definitely not a pleasant time.  Well, tune in next time.. same bat time, same bat channel!

My foray into blogging!

Hello!!

My name is Adam and I have multiple sclerosis.

I have been living with MS for the last few years, but I have only recently been compelled to start putting pen to paper (or fingers to keys if you will.)  For years people have told me that I needed to find some sort of therapeutic outlet... and blogging may be a great way to vent.  Although I knew that there are real benefits to writing, I had always been resistant to sitting down and starting.

I have always been afraid that my writing would come off as whiny and complaining, or just looking for sympathy.  I knew that this definitely would not be the case, but it has always stopped me from actually getting my butt in gear.  Plus there is always the whole laziness thing... I have never had faith that I could write consistently; getting posts out often and well written enough to gain a following.

What had changed my attitude was my sister, Jaime.  Jai was diagnosed with lung cancer about 3 years ago, and began blogging about her journey shortly after.  I know the writing was a great outlet for her; and gave her a platform for her clever, witty, and incredibly intelligent writing.  Plus, it had to be a great way to vent her frustrations.  We lost Jai a few months ago, which has been the hardest thing my family and I have ever gone through.  When I read her blog, I can hear her voice... and makes me want to show just a fraction of the strength she had.

You can read Jaime's blog here.

I plan on documenting my experiences here in hopes of engaging in some meaningful discussion.  This blog will also give me an excuse to ramble on about my various passions.  I will definitely be going on diatribes on food and movies; that way it won't be too monotone.

Well, that concludes the boring introductory post.  Make sure to stay tuned for my next post... Dr. Feldman (Or how I learned to start worrying and love the neurologists office.)

Yours Truly,
Adam